The first time I ever saw you
by Snow White'84
Summary: *Note: No romance* The Curtis parents were killed just 3 months ago. Darry became legal guardian for Pony/Soda, took a second job to pay for his family; Soda worked with Steve on the DX gas station; Pony got nightmares, hardly talked much after the crash
1. Dealing with grief

**The first time I ever saw you**

I'm not sure if the comma use of the story is always right.  
I've got quite a few problems with it...  
And I guess with the grammar, as well. Let alone the language.  
So, if you find any mistakes, please let me know :)  
I'm sorry for my probably bad english, it isn't my native language...

_Set before the book  
Sorry if they're OOC  
I don't own The Outsiders_

_The Curtis parents were killed just 3 months ago.  
Darry became Pony's and Soda's legal guardian. He gave up college and took a second job to pay for his family and also Soda threw school and worked from now on with Steve on the DX gas station.  
Since the horrible crash Pony got nightmares, which he couldn't remember any more when he woke up. Soda slept from then on also in Pony's bed and the nightmares didn't become that awful any longer.  
__However, Pony hardly talked much after this crash and took part in the ordinary life just half-hearted. The loss of both parents was nearly unbearable for him.  
__Soda and Darry took this fate better. Maybe the reason of this was that they were 16 and 20 and Pony just 12..._

1. Dealing with grief

"Pony, dinner's ready!" Sodapop shouted to his younger brother, who sat absent-minded on the couch.  
When Ponyboy didn't reply Soda stretched his head out of the kitchen and looked at him.  
"Hey, Pony, ain't ya hear me?"

"Hmm." Pony only answered, but didn't look up from the ground he stared at the whole time.

Soda frowned, walked to his brother and sat down beside him. "Hey, what's up?"

There Pony sobbed and whispered so softly that Soda had trouble to understand him, "I miss 'em..."

And Pony lifted his head and looked at his big brother; his eyes filled with tears.

"Hey, little buddy, I know. I miss 'em, too, but... life still goes on, also without 'em." Soda explained.

And Pony dropped himself sobbing into Soda's arms.

"Shh, it's all right." Soda comforted him, rocked him gently back and forth and tried forced not to cry as well.

No, he couldn't cry now, not now where his kid brother needed him so much. He had to be strong now, for both of them.

So he stroked his crying brother affectionately over the back, while he held him in his arm and concentrated himself on the opposite wall, so that his arising tears wouldn't run down, too.

"Soda, Pony, what are ya doin'?" Darry called a bit impatient out of the kitchen and then appeared as well from the kitchen.  
"What... oh..." he started, but stopped when he saw his both brothers on the couch.

Soda turned his head and looked at Darry. This one understood.

Then Soda turned again towards Pony and tried to cheer him up a bit again, "Well, come on now, Pony. Darry's ready with the dinner and if we ain't comin' right now he's probably gonna eat everythin' by himself and we can't allow that, can we?"

Pony shook his head and Soda smiled.  
But Soda misinterpreted this shake of the head, because his smile vanished again, when Pony added, "Nope, ain't hungry."

"Aw come on, Pony. Ya have to eat somethin'." Soda kept on at him.

"But I ain't hungry!" Pony repeated already nearly sulky and suddenly sat bolt upright on the couch, at what he freed himself from Soda's hug.

Darry and Soda changed uncertain glances.

"Um, ok, but... if ya would like to have somethin'... then ya can come into the kitchen." Soda said quickly, because he was sure that Darry would be a little bit stricter with Pony.

With that Soda rose, smiled at his little brother once again and then went with Darry into the kitchen.  
Then they sat down at the table and ate.  
After a while they heard how Pony got up and walked in the direction of his and Soda's room.  
And short time after Pony came back again, his jacket in his arm.

"I'm gonna go to Johnny." he only explained.

"Wait, Pony, I..."

"Don't ya wanna eat somethin' before ya go?" Soda interrupted Darry, because he dreaded that Darry would express his dislike about it again, although that's just Darry's way of affection to his brother.

"Nah, ain't hungry." Pony repeated once again.

And he already turned towards the front door.  
There Steve and Two-Bit came in.

"Hello, hmm, that smells good again with ya." Two-Bit shouted, even before they really came in to the door. "Huh, Pony. Where ya wanna go to that fast? Are ya perhaps already finished with dinner?" Two-Bit asked surprised, when the both would nearly have bumped into Pony.

Ponyboy only looked at him, and walked out without saying another word.

"Ponyboy..." Soda yelled behind him with a shake of his head.

"What's wrong with him?" Two-Bit asked.

But he rather was interested in what tasty meal was for dinner at the Curtis', because he looked unconcealed into the pots.  
Darry sighed and looked at Soda. This one only shrugged.


	2. No comfort is suitable!

_goldengreaser: _thanks for your review :)  
I'm glad to hear that my english isn't that bad yet  
and I'm also glad that you like it

_krista: _also to you a thanks for your review :)  
well, I'm afraid I can't tell you where this is going, sorry :(  
even if I won't give so much away, I can tell that Ponyboy's going to meet someone...  
but you'll know more about it in the next chapters ;)

* * *

2. No comfort is suitable!

In the meantime Ponyboy went to the lot where he hoped to find Johnny.  
And as expected there was a boy who lit a cigarette at the moment.  
And so this boy didn't notice as well that Pony got closer to him.

"Hey Johnny." Pony greeted his best buddy.

Johnny winced frightened and looked up with fearful eyes.  
When he recognized his friend his expression relaxed a little again.

"Hey Ponyboy." he greeted back and offered him a cigarette instantly.

Pony nodded thanking and took one. After he lit it he sat down next to Johnny into the grass.  
The both sat there silently side by side some time.

Johnny slowly was worried about his buddy, because Pony was too silent.  
Ponyboy normally wasn't that talkative, and besides the thing with his parents had to be added, but Johnny didn't know his buddy that silent.

So he asked carefully, "Hey Pon. Everythin' ok? You're so quiet..."

Pony slowly nodded.

Johnny thought forced about how he should begin best, "Um, ain't there always dinner at that time at ya home?"

"Uh-huh." was the answer.

"And... then why ain't ya... I mean..."

"Ain't hungry." Pony answered him, before Johnny could finish his sentence.

"Do Soda and Darry know that you're here?" Johnny kept on asking.

Pony sat up, looked at Johnny and said quite unfriendly, "Listen, Johnny, I just ain't in the mood to talk and even less to answer such stupid questions.  
And if ya wanna get rid of me by all means, then just say it, ok?"

Johnny looked at his friend hurt and said sadly, "Oh, I didn't know..."

"Aw, Johnny, I'm sorry. Honestly! I... I wouldn't..." Pony replied and tears ran over his face.

He covered his face with his hands and sobbed.  
The hurt look of Johnny turned immediately into sympathy at this sight and he moved to Pony and hugged him.

"Hey Pon, it's all right!" he comforted him.

Johnny didn't know that it was the same kind of comfort that Ponyboy even received from Soda before.  
But also there this comfort hasn't found the healing effect.

Johnny didn't dare to ask why Pony was crying. He even could think about it.

And when Ponyboy whispered under sobs "Oh Johnny, I miss 'em, I miss 'em so much..." Johnny's guess was just confirmed.

But Johnny knew that he couldn't tell his buddy encouraging or comforting words, which could ease his pain of the loss.

It was cruel for a just 12 year old to lose both parents at the same time.  
They never ever would see their youngest son grow up.  
Ponyboy had lost his parents in a very important phase of his life and this was for a boy in his age very charging. But not only for Pony, also for Darry and Soda was this fate cruel and hard.  
But it seemed that the both could cope with it better than Pony. Maybe their ages were a reason of it.

Johnny thought about his parents.  
He couldn't imagine if they were suddenly gone.  
Even if these didn't love him and only gave him blows and insults, he never wanted their deaths.  
He loved his parents, although they didn't return his love; but this love and the affection and acceptance was all what Johnny wished from his parents.  
But he never received it!

So he regretted that the Curtis parents had to die that early and left their kids alone.  
The parents loved their kids the same way the kids loved their parents and this was the reason why their deaths depressed Ponyboy so much.

Suddenly Pony straightened up and ran his hand over the eyes.

Johnny looked at him and said uncertainly, "Hey."

Pony gave him a weak smile and said quietly, "Thanks, Johnny..."

"No problem." Johnny replied.  
"I don't wanna get on ya nerves but what are ya gonna do now?" he asked.

Pony shrugged and meant, "Don't know. Wanna roam through the neighborhood? I don't wanna go back now yet..."

"Ok, don't mind." Johnny said.

And so the both set off into the town.  
On the way there a car drove past them and the Socs, which sat in it, shouted to them "Greaser! Greaser!" and kept on driving again.

Johnny rolled his eyes and murmured, "Couldn't they just leave us alone, huh? They certainly think they're very important..."

When he didn't get an answer from Ponyboy he looked at him.  
Pony only stared on the ground at his shoes most of the time.  
He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he probably didn't hear this shouts at all; maybe not even noticed.

Johnny sighed.  
Would Pony ever be so cheerful and light-hearted again, as in former times? Johnny thought.  
But how should that work? He lost his parents after all and they couldn't be replaced...

And you can't get over such a thing all of a sudden that easy, Johnny was sure with that.


	3. New hope

_Sarah126: _thanks for your review :)  
glad you like it 

_dirtyd488: _thank you :)  
I'm glad you like it as much as lillipops ;)

_Acidic-Catkid:_ thanks for your review :)  
yeah, that's really sad :(

_Roxy: _thanks :)  
well, I didn't want to repeat the names on and on...  
but now I've corrected it, maybe it was too confusing with "this one"...

well, here's the next chapter, I hope I won't disappoint you or something like that...

* * *

3. New hope

There Ponyboy suddenly stopped; the eyes wide open.  
When Johnny noticed it he followed the viewing direction, in expectation of new trouble with Socs.  
But there weren't any Socs that awakened Pony's attention.  
He stared straight at a pretty young woman and a man, which roamed arm in arm along the street.

Johnny turned to his buddy surprised, "Hey Pony, what's the matter?"

Without taking the look from the both Pony answered, "Johnny, who's that?"

Johnny shortly looked at the both and explained, "That's Selena. She's, um, a whore and the guy's her pimp, Mike. He's regarded as very hot-tempered and violent. By the way, he's supposed to be quite a gambler. And she's known everywhere..."  
And he shrugged.  
"But why ya wanna know that? What's up?"

"She looks like her." Ponyboy murmured, while he still stared at the woman and her pimp.

"She looks like 'who'?" Johnny asked and watched Pony frowning.

But he didn't receive any answer to it, because in this moment Pony's look turned into a sort of shock, rage and unbelief and Johnny turned around again.  
He just got how the woman held her cheek and glanced ashamed to the ground while the man said something to her and then kept on walking with fast and vigorous steps without waiting for the woman.

Johnny just would say something, when Pony spoke up, "He... he has beat her! He has beat her only 'cause she has smiled to a young man!"

There Johnny suddenly understood that Pony's behaviour had something to do with the woman; but he still didn't know what the matter was.

"I've to go behind her. I've to go to her. I've to talk to her..." Pony said and followed the woman.

"Um, Pony, wait. I guess this ain't a good idea..." Johnny tried to keep him from doing that.

"Why not?" Pony asked.

"Well, 'cause... 'cause she..."

"Aw, ya mean only 'cause she's a whore she's supposed to be a worse person, huh?"

"Nope, of course she ain't a worse person than we are, but..."

"Great, then this would be cleared." Pony decided and walked straight up to the house where Selena and her pimp disappeared into.

"Pony, please, talk sense! Such place ain't nothin' for us! Come on, let's go again!"

"No, Johnny, I can't go again now. I've just to see her once more and I wanna talk to with her."

"If that ain't cause us any trouble..." Johnny murmured.

"Ya don't need to come with me. Ya can wait in front of the door."

"Or better far away from it... And we both should do that.  
We better should disappear quickly, 'cause I've got very bad feelings 'bout that thin'."

But Pony wouldn't be discouraged from his plan.  
He would see this woman; he just had to do it!

Because this woman pretty looked like his mother - for him at least!


	4. A risked step

_Sarah126:_ yeah, really? I'm glad to hear that :)  
thanks for your review

* * *

4. A risked step

So Pony walked up to the house, what actually was Mike's brothel.  
He noticed that Johnny didn't follow him any more.  
That's why he turned around.

"What's now? Are ya gonna come with me or wanna stay here?"

"I'd rather stay here..." Johnny answered. "And ya should do that, too..." he added.

"Well, all right. Then just wait here." Ponyboy meant, shrugged and turned around towards the house again.

At first he looked at it, then he breathed out once more and then he stepped forward the door.  
When he reached for the door handle, it came to his mind that the door also could be locked and he would have to knock or ring to enter.  
What should he do then in this case?  
But when he turned round the doorknob it opened without difficulties.

So he stepped in and closed the door behind himself again.  
Inside the house he stayed a moment at the door and considered where he probably should find Selena now.  
It seemed that it wouldn't remain anything else to him, than to search for her.  
So he set off to search for her.  
He always was anxious that nobody would see him.

When he turned round a corner he saw Mike coming out of one of the rooms.  
Ponyboy hid behind a niche and he hoped that he wouldn't be discovered.  
But Mike didn't pay attention to his surroundings; he counted money with a satisfied look.

I suppose he's gonna gamble that away again, Pony thought, while he watched Mike out of his hiding place.

When Pony was sure that Mike was gone he came out of his hiding place and walked towards the room Mike came out, because he expected Selena in it.  
He walked to the door a bit excited and nervous and knocked politely.  
When he didn't receive an answer, though, he just entered.  
He opened the door and peered into carefully.

Selena really was in this room.  
She was sitting on her bed and placed tarot-cards for herself.  
She was exposing a card that showed 'The lovers', when Ponyboy entered.  
Selena turned around surprised.

"Oh, hey, who are ya? Perhaps a suitor?" she asked and smiled at Ponyboy.

Pony was charmed from this smile right now.  
Pony shook his head.

"Nope. I... I just saw ya on the street and... also that this man has beaten ya and... I... would like to get to know ya..." Ponyboy finally brought out.

Selena cocked an eyebrow, the same way Two-Bit did sometimes.

"Ya wanna get to know me? Well, ya know what I am, don't ya?" she asked after a while.

Ponyboy nodded and answered, "Yeah, I know it. But I don't care!"

"Oh dear, boy, how old are ya? 12? 13?"

"12."

"And a boy in your age shouldn't be in such a place, ya understand? Besides, I could already be your mother!"

At the mentioning of 'mother' Ponyboy's eyes flashed up; a sad, even though a hopeful, shining.

"What's ya name actually? I'm Selena."

Pony nodded and answered, "Ponyboy. Ponyboy Curtis."

"Oh, a beautiful name. Very original. I like it." Selena said smiling.

"Yeah, my dad was also an original person." Pony replied and became sad.

"Do your parents know that you're here?"

"My... my parents are... dead... they died in a crash a few weeks ago." Ponyboy answered and suppressed the arising tears at the thought of his parents.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Selena said sympathetic.

Pony nodded and came closer a bit.  
He would like so much to tell Selena what he felt for her, whom she reminded him and he would hug her the way his mother always hugged him.  
But he didn't know how he should do that and how Selena would react to it.  
So he waited in the first place.

"Well, now while you're here ya also may stay a little, if ya like. I ain't gonna send ya away again right now. Come here."

Ponyboy liked to follow this request. He sat beside her on the bed.

"What ya doin' there?" he asked curious and pointed at the tarot-cards.

"Oh, these are my tarot-cards. Ya know such a thin'? They forecast the future." Selena explained.

Ponyboy nodded apprehending.  
He didn't believe in such a thing, but when he cast a glance at the uncovered card 'The lovers' he had to smile.  
Maybe they really could forecast the future!

Selena smiled at him.


	5. Searched and also found

5. Searched and also found

"Have ya children?" Ponyboy asked.

Selena shook her head sadly.

"Would ya like to have any?" Pony kept on asking.

Selena looked at him and smiled. "Yes, I'd be glad to."

And it seemed that the ice was broken with that, because suddenly Selena embraced Ponyboy.  
And Pony replied this embrace; in sure belief that he just released and caused feelings of a mother and maternal instincts inside Selena.  
He felt at this hug that she has taken him to her heart, in spite of this just short acquaintance, and she also would protect him the way his own mother had done it so far and also would have continued to do it if she wouldn't have died.

Now he knew that he has found a new mother.

And he wouldn't lose her any more!

He felt good and safe near her, and it felt like she would hug him as if he would be her own child and this feeling caused an unspeakable delight inside him.

He finally has found a mother again!

"I love ya!" Ponyboy whispered, so softly that he feared that Selena hadn't understood him.

But she only smiled and replied, "I love ya, too."

And with that she stroked him affectionately over his back.

They held in arms like that some time; each of them happy about the other one.

But then Selena came off, looked Ponyboy into the eyes and said seriously, "I'm sorry, Ponyboy, but I'm afraid, ya have to go again now. Mike, um, my um..."

"Pimp, I know." Pony answered.

Selena nodded. "Yes, right. Mike's certainly gonna appear here very soon again.  
And I don't wanna that he's gonna see ya. He must not find ya here in any case or else he's gonna be behind himself with rage.  
I don't wanna that he's gonna do somethin' to ya. I never ever could allow that."

Ponyboy understood and nodded. With that he got up. Selena rose as well.  
Pony looked at her interrogatively and appellatively.

Selena interpreted this look right, because she meant, "Of course ya may come back, if ya like."

Pony's eyesshone with joy and he replied, "And if I like to!"

And he hugged his 'new mother' happily. Selena hugged him smiling.

She always wanted a child, a son, and now there was such a kind little boy and searched for a mother; she felt that somehow.  
And she was more than willing to take this part.  
She took Ponyboy to her heart and loved him like her own son just in the moment, when he entered her room.

There was a boy, who longed for the affection and the love of a mother and she would do everything for it to give this to him.

"Goodbye, Ponyboy. And take care of ya that Mike won't catch ya." Selena meant and released herself from the hug smiling.

Ponyboy nodded and said goodbye, too.  
Then he turned towards the door. When he arrived there he turned around once more, waved to Selena cheerfully and opened the door.  
Then he sneaked out of the house again.  
He was lucky that he didn't meet with Mike.


	6. Secrets

_ghostofyou27:_ thanks for your review :)  
your story is good, too :)

_amy:_ thank you for reviewing :)  
please tell my why are you confused?

* * *

6. Secrets

When Pony stepped out of the front door he saw Johnny standing on the other side of the street.  
Pony just could see Johnny's relief when he caught sight of Pony.

Johnny came towards him. "Gee, Pony, what have ya done in there for so long? I already was worried 'bout ya, 'cause ya didn't come out."  
"I'm sorry, Johnny." Ponyboy replied smiling. "Come on, let's go again now."  
"All right."  
And so the both boys walked back again.

Pony smiled on the way home. This seemed a little bit strange to Johnny and he would like to ask what Pony has done in the house, but didn't dare to ask about it.  
So they went home silently.

When they arrived at the lot Pony said goodbye to Johnny, who would spend the night once again at the lot.

Ponyboy walked home, still smiling to himself.

"Hey guys!" he greeted when he entered the house.  
"Hey Pony. Where were ya?" Darry asked.  
"With Johnny. We went a bit into town." Pony replied and walked into the bathroom to go to bed after that. When he was finished in the bathroom he went straight into bed.  
He would evade the curious questions of his brothers. So he went to bed and when Soda come to him a while later he was already fell asleep.  
So Soda lay down beside him.

Ponyboy hasn't had any nightmares in this night.

The next day was a Saturday. So Pony didn't have to go to school.

That's why he even went quite early to Johnny to go with him to Selena again.  
He would spend as much time as possible with her.

"Hey Johnny." Pony already shouted from a distance, while he got closer to the lot.  
"Hey Pon." Johnny greeted back.  
"Come on, let's go." Pony demanded him already impatiently.  
"Where to?" Johnny asked.  
"Well, guess where." Pony replied and looked at his friend.

Johnny hesitated, "Pony, ya better shouldn't go there any more."  
Pony tried to cock an eyebrow; a failed attempt to imitate Two-Bit. "Ya ain't gonna talk me out of goin' to her. Nobody's gonna make that!  
But if ya don't wanna come with me, fine, then just leave it! I definitely don't force ya to come with me!  
But don't say anythin' to Darry - or the others. When he finds that out I'm sure he's gonna skin me.  
I guess he has nothin' personal against such people like Selena, but he doesn't wanna that I'm in contact with 'em. That's why he also would forbid me to see her."  
With these words Pony turned around and walked away.  
"Pony, please wait..." Johnny shouted behind him, but Pony kept on walking.  
Johnny was left behind confused

What should he do now?  
Should he go behind Pony and take care of him?  
Or should he rather inform Darry?  
Even though Pony would be mad with him then, because he would have betrayed him.  
But when he ain't gonna tell anyone 'bout it and somethin' happens to Pony?  
Darry would be behind himself with rage and would blame him for that.  
And Johnny hated it when somebody was mad with him; even if that happened not very often, because nobody could be really mad with him. The others showed consideration for him, because he already had it rough at home.  
Should he tell Dally 'bout it?  
Dally always knew an advice.  
But no, if Dally's gonna know 'bout it then he probably would let Darry know it.  
And so Johnny even could tell Darry by himself.

So Johnny just didn't know what he should do.  
And it didn't matter for which way he decided to take he would disappoint and betray someone in any case.  
He crouched on the lot and pondered.


	7. Mutual trust

_Sarah126:_ thanks :)  
yeah, I try to update every day  
glad you like it

_amy/krista: _oh, I see :)  
thank you very much :)  
well, Pony didn't know Selena before, but Johnny did. so Johnny explained Pony (3 chapter)  
amy: I hope you aren't confused anymore, if you still are, please let me know :)

* * *

7. Mutual trust

Meanwhile Pony arrived at the brothel.  
He sneaked into the room of Selena again unnoticed.

When he entered Selena smiled at him and they hugged briefly.

"Where are ya livin' actually, Ponyboy?" Selena asked, after they sat down on the bed.

She wouldn't ask him right after his parents, because she heard before that they were dead.  
And she wouldn't remind Pony of them unnecessarily.  
She hadn't any idea that she was doing exactly this; however just even by the fact that she was there.  
So she asked him this way for his descent.

"I live together with my both brothers in the 'East Side'. I'm a Greaser." Pony answered a bit hesitating.  
Selena nodded. She knew about the fight 'Socs against Greasers'.  
She told, "Well, ya already know what I am.  
But do ya know, Pony, Mike ain't always been like that.  
I got to know him as a nice, friendly and lovin' man. And I fell in love with him right away.  
He was the first love of my life.  
But he changed by and by. He started to gamble our little bit of money away.  
Then he became hot-tempered and beat me.  
And in the end he turned me into one of his whores.  
I realized too late how and who Mike is in reality."

Then she looked at Pony sadly. Ponyboy stretched his hand out and put it shyly on hers.  
There she looked him straight into the eyes and smiled.

But Ponyboy noticed that this smile didn't come whole-heartedly.  
He could read a lot of pain in it.  
And Pony felt already there and then that something really bad would happen!  
And it saddened him, because he didn't know it exactly, so that he could have prevented it.

And the more he noticed this pain, which definitely had arisen by Mike, the bigger became Pony's hate of him. How could Mike just do such a thing to 'his' Selena, who always was so good and kind to everybody?

That's why he asked, "Why are ya still stayin' with Mike at all?  
He just uses ya disrespectful, beats ya and faces ya to prostitute.  
Ya just can't put up with it that easy!"  
Selena smiled at him and answered, "I don't put up with it that easy.  
I hate my 'job' and I do it with a real disgust; yeah, I feel it as a bad humiliation, but meanwhile I realized that I can't do anythin' against it  
I know that ya can't understand that I put up with all this here of Mike. But I still love him somehow!  
Besides he definitely wouldn't let me go voluntarily...  
I'm scared of him. We all are scared. That's why we do nothin' against him.  
He doesn't treat only me that bad, also the other whores here.  
We trust us mutual and help us, but we don't trust Mike and are scared of him...  
And even though he only regards me as one of his money-yieldin' whores, I still love him... But he doesn't return my love..."  
"I'm sorry..." Pony said sadly.  
He didn't wanna that his 'mother' would suffer.

"It's all right! It ain't ya fault. I told the others 'bout ya. Two of them are called Betty and Caroline. They've got the rooms left and right beside me.  
That's why I get along with 'em very well. I really can trust 'em. They're even somethin' like my best friends.  
They promised me to protect ya from Mike and to help ya to come here unsighted from Mike."  
Pony smiled about this well-meant step.

After that the both talked together quite a while.  
Selena asked Pony for his brothers.  
And Ponyboy told her about them and about the others from the gang; about his best buddy Johnny, the dreaded Dally, the fond of life Two-Bit and Soda's best buddy Steve.

Then Selena said to Ponyboy, "I'm sorry, Pony, but now my 'job' is waitin' for me again."  
And she watched him sadly. Ponyboy didn't look less sad, but he accepted it.  
She rose from the bed and walked to the door.  
There she meant to Pony that he still should wait a moment. Short time later she came back with two other prostitutes again, which introduced themselves as Betty and Caroline.  
The both led Ponyboy safe and unsighted from Mike to the front door, after Selena and Pony said goodbye to each other.  
After he was brought to the door by the both he thanked and also said goodbye to them and set off home.

Some time went by.  
Ponyboy told lies to Darry and Soda that he always would meet with Johnny.  
But actually he really hadn't seen Johnny some time any more, because he was at Selena most of the time.


	8. Nothing is the way, how it seems!

_danny: _thanks for your review :)  
I'm glad you like it

* * *

8. Nothing is the way, how it seems!

This worked well quite a while.  
And nothing ever happened up to now.  
Mike never had discovered Ponyboy; a thing that he almost constantly owed to Betty and Caroline.

But when Pony once sneaked out of the brothel after the visit to Selena without the help of the both Mike watched him coming out of Selena's room.  
Mike considered furious, what he even could do, so that Selena finally would be pliant and make nothing against his will any longer.  
So he got morphine the next day, pulled up an injection of it and walked straight into Selena's room with it.

Selena frightened at the sight of the injection and asked uncertainly, "What ya wanna here? What's that supposed to be? What have ya planned with that?"  
"Ya know that very well, Selena! I forbade ya explicitly to make friends with someone outside!  
Don't deny it! I saw the boy, when he came out of ya room!  
Who's he anyway?  
He has no business to be here if he ain't a suitor! Is he one? If not, what has he done here then?  
Well, who's he?"  
"Please Mike. Pony has nothin' to do with it. It ain't his fault. He's just a little boy..."

Mike came towards her, pushed her against a wall and grabbed her arm.  
"Ouch! Mike, ya hurt me. Please, stop it! Please..." Selena implored Mike.  
But Mike had no mercy with his whore. He held her arm tight merciless and would put the injection, when the door was opened suddenly.

Ponyboy opened the door to Selena's room, nothing bad suspecting, and stiffened.  
Mike turned around just in this moment, when Pony opened the door.  
Pony couldn't believe what he was seeing there: Mike held Selena's arm tight with one of his hands and held an injection in the other hand.  
He probably would give it to Selena, if Pony wouldn't have appeared in the room.

Ponyboy stared at the injection with wide eyes, turned around and ran scared out of the brothel.  
"This can't be true! What cheek! Well, just wait! I'm gonna take him to task now!"  
With that Mike let Selena go and rushed behind Pony.  
"Mike... please..." Selena screamed behind him and dropped on her bed.  
But Mike didn't catch Ponyboy any more.  
He already was gone, when Mike came out of the brothel.  
When he couldn't discover Pony somewhere he walked inside again. But Mike swore bitter revenge to Pony if Mike would get him.

Ponyboy ran away scared.  
He was running past the lot, when Johnny, who kicked a bit with the football, turned around to him surprised and shouted behind him, "Pony? Hey, Ponyboy, what's the matter?"

When Pony heard his name he stopped and turned around. He stared at Johnny with wide opened eyes.  
Johnny came closer.  
When Johnny saw the frightened eyes of his best friend he asked worried, "Hey Pon, what happened? Ya look if ya have seen a ghost."  
And then Pony told what he experienced just now.

"That's horrible!  
Pony, I know ya don't wanna hear somethin' 'bout it, but don't ya think too that ya rather shouldn't go there any more or that ya should tell Darry at least 'bout it?"  
"For heaven's sake, Johnny! No!  
Darry must not hear somethin' 'bout it, understand? Never ever! Or else he's gonna flip out if he would know that.  
Don't tell him never ever 'bout it, ok?"  
"Pon, I..."  
"Please, Johnny!" Pony nearly begged.  
"I can't lie. I can't lie to anyone; and even less to a buddy..." Johnny said quietly.  
"Ya don't need to tell 'em nothin' at all.  
All ya have to do is just not to meet 'em, then ya don't need to tell 'em nothin' at all, and so ya don't have to tell 'em lies." Pony explained.  
"I don't really know, Pony.  
"Please..."  
"Hmm." Johnny made and looked to the ground.  
With that this subject was finished for the present.

"I better go home now, or else Darry's gonna nag again. Bye, Johnny."  
"Bye, Pony." Johnny replied and waved at his friend.  
Then Ponyboy went home.


	9. A sudden end

_dirtyd488: _thanks for your review :)  
well, let's see how everything's going ;)

* * *

9. A sudden end

A few days went by.  
After the thing with Mike and the injection Pony didn't dare any more to visit Selena although he even would know how she was doing and he pretty missed her.

One day when Ponyboy decided to go to Selena finally again, because he couldn't stand it any longer, he met Mike, who stood together with another man on the street and talked with him.

When Pony noticed the both he would run away. But Mike and the man already discovered and caught him. Mike grabbed Pony and held him tight.

While the man held his cane under Pony's chin and simply threatened him with that, Mike said mocking, "Well, where ya wanna go to that fast?  
Ya didn't show up in my house to ya luck for a long time!  
Don't ya wanna know at all, how Selena's doin'?  
Well, just wait. We're gonna get it straight in ya mind that ya never ever show up in my house any more!"  
Ponyboy defended himself and tried to win free.  
Mike got angry and would that the man beat Pony with his cane.  
When the man was swinging and would hit Pony defended himself so hard that he could free himself from Mike's grip.

He ran directly to the brothel and looked back a few times.  
Mike, who was even more furious, chased him.  
He would prevent that Pony could come to Selena.

Mike yelled furious, "Stop, ya rotten little bastard! Only 'cause of ya I've got the trouble with Selena!"  
In this moment Ponyboy arrived at the front door, where Caroline and Betty stood and probably waited for suitors.  
He rushed straight past them into the brothel.  
They looked after him surprised.

Then Pony arrived at Selena's room and knocked on it until Selena opened him finally.  
"Pony... what's the matter?" she asked him worried.  
He just would tell her, what happened, when Mike stormed into the door.  
Selena embraced Pony protectively.  
"Please Mike... he's just a kid..." Selena begged.  
Mike seized Pony furious and would tear him away from Selena.  
Ponyboy clung to her desperately and she tried to pull him to her again. But she was no match for Mike.

So he tore Pony away from Selena and pushed him out of the door, so that he fell to the ground.  
"Pony! Run away!" Selena shouted desperately and would come to him, but she was held up by Mike, who put up in the door-case and blocked her way with that.  
Pony got up a bit dazed of the ungentle fall and staggered a little.

But before Mike could do something to him Pony was gripped and also protected by Caroline and Betty, who followed him and Mike.  
The both swore at their pimp extremely violently, while Pony was put off by them.

Pony looked at Selena sadly.  
Her face reflected pure fear and despair.

Mike ignored the both whores and meant threatening to Pony, "Don't dare to show up here or also even near my house again!  
I don't wanna see such scum like ya here, got it?  
And if I really should catch ya once more, then god helps ya..."

Pony couldn't understand any more what Mike still was yelling.  
The both brought him to the front door.  
Then they meant to him, "It really would be better, if ya don't come here any longer; for Selena and for ya.  
Mike meant it very serious with his threats.  
You better shouldn't pick a quarrel with him. He uses to carry out his threats, always!  
Goodbye, Ponyboy and good luck!"  
With that they went inside again.

And Pony, who didn't catch very much what they said to him, sadly walked home again.

He was scared about Selena!  
He got a really bad feeling what Selena concerned!

He sensed something; suspected that something really awful would follow now!  
But he didn't know what it was.

He would like to help Selena, but he didn't dare in this moment to go into the house again, because he feared to meet Mike directly there again.  
And he wouldn't like to know what this one would do then with him in his rage.  
So he walked home and tried to forget and to suppress this bad feeling.

Everything would be all right again!

But how wrong he was there!


	10. Questions and the answers?

_krista_: oh, thank you very much :)  
I'm really glad that you like the story

* * *

10. Questions - and the answers?

When Pony came to the front door he saw his brother Darry sitting on the table with some bills.  
He really didn't seem to notice Pony.

Pony looked at him for a while and then he began timid, "Darry?"  
"Hmm?" came as answer, but Darry didn't look up.  
"Darry, ya see me?" Pony kept on asking.  
"Yeah." Darry answered, but still didn't look up.  
"Ya really see me?" Pony repeated.  
There Darry looked up and watched his kid brother frowning with a confused glance.

"Pony, why ya askin' me such a thin'? Of course I see ya!" Darry wondered what the whole thing was supposed to mean.  
"If ya see me the way, other people see me, how come that some overlook me and ignore me and even despise me?  
Am I a bad person?  
Is this why they despise me?  
Did Mom and Dad have to die for that reason?  
Am I to blame for their death?"  
"Pony, what's that supposed to be?  
Who despises ya?  
What are ya talkin' 'bout?  
What makes ya think such rubbish?  
And don't start with that again. Of course their death ain't ya fault. Ya have nothin' - nothin' at all - to do with it.  
But we explained this to ya so many times! Don't ya understand that?" Darry said and would hug his brother.  
But Pony yielded back and screamed now completely furious, "No, ya don't understand! Ya understand nothin' at all! Ya ain't interested in me. Ya don't care 'bout me!"

Then Pony turned around and ran out of the house.  
Darry stood there as turned into stone.  
What was just the matter with his brother?

"Pony! Ponyboy, stay here!" he called after his brother, but Pony wouldn't stop.

Pony ran back to the brothel again.  
He had tried to get rid of this feeling.  
That's why he would start a talk with Darry, but he only thought about Selena.  
And so he couldn't manage a reasonable talk, but only a mess, what was expressed through his feelings.

"Darry? What's up? Was that just Ponyboy?" Soda asked sleepily and appeared behind Darry, who stared to the door frowning and completely confused.  
"Yeah. Come on, Soda. We've to go behind him. Somethin' ain't right with him!"

And the both already started running.  
They ran straight to the lot, because they thought he would be there where Johnny would be, too.

But when they arrived there they only found Johnny.  
"Hey Darry. Hey Soda. What's the matter?" Johnny asked, when he noticed the both brothers, which looked around the lot quite worried.  
"Johnnycake, is Pony with ya?" Soda asked worried.  
Johnny shook his head.

Do they perhaps know now? Should I tell 'em now 'bout it? Johnny wondered and he really began, because he saw the worry in Soda's eyes, "He... he ain't been here any more for quite a while..."  
"What the heck do ya mean? He always said he would go to ya..." Darry turned to Johnny.

Johnny winced.  
There he had caused himself a glorious mess now!  
Now he had to tell the truth, if he would it or not.  
Darry would stick to his guns until he finally heard what he wanted to know.  
Now he had to say it, even if he would betray and disappoint Pony with that now.  
But there was no other way for him.  
He just couldn't lie!´

And so Johnny gulped and told the both about Selena.


	11. A decision is fixed

_FlipWise: _thanks for reviewing :)  
glad you like it so far :)  
oh, really? I didn't know that :(  
I just have chosen the name 'cause I like it  
well, no, I haven't seen this movie  
it isn't a horror movie, is it?

_krista: _thank you for your review :)  
well, here we go... ;)

* * *

11. A decision is fixed

While Betty and Caroline led Ponyboy to the door Mike pushed Selena back into her room and locked her in it.  
After that he walked away very furious. He decided to take Selena to task afterwards and to punish her for her behaviour.  
But he shouldn't come to it any more...

When Mike locked Selena in her room she started crying.  
"Oh, Pony, forgive me... I only caused ya trouble. I ain't a good company for ya. Ya deserved someone better than me, a whore..."

She took a sheet of paper and began to write something.

Her last words, a farewell letter; dedicate to the man - the first love of her life - who disappointed and mortified her so much and didn't return her love.

While she wrote her memories came back.  
She went through her past a secondtime: she saw how she met Mike and fell in love with him; how he changed, started to beat her and didn't return her love; how he turned her into his whore; how she did more and more the job that she hated and loathed so much, and really became lonely this way.

And she probably would have spend her whole life that lonely and cheerless until she met Ponyboy, who finally gave her life a meaning again.

Her high spirits returned with him, she took him into her heart right away and treated him as if he would be her own son, and just as much she loved him.  
She thought about how Mike tried to end this affectionate relation by all means and finally succeed in it!

Selena knew that the friendship to Pony was condemned to go wrong from the beginning.  
Because she placed her tarot-cards on that day Pony came to her the first time, and she always believed in them so far.  
One of the cards came true just in this moment: the lovers!  
So there was no reason for her, not to believe in the truth of these cards any more. It even confirmed her in it. Selena finally found with Pony someone, who really understands her.

But after Ponyboy was gone on that day, she finished placing the cards.  
And right after 'the lovers' came 'the death'.  
She was so shocked about it that she swore herself to place never ever again the cards after that.

And from there on she also knew that there was no use to keep on meeting with Pony.  
This relation wouldn't have a happy end!

But she couldn't do anything against her feelings for him and so she allowed that he still visited her.  
A mistake, as she found out now.

She really shouldn't have involved him in that.  
He just didn't deserve such a thing.  
She wouldn't cause him even more trouble.  
He had enough to fight with his life as a Greaser, who just lost his parents short time ago, and he was constantly subjected to the scorn of his environment - above all of the scorn of the Socs.  
There he definitely didn't need the company of a whore into the bargain.

And all that only intensified her intention to kill herself.

So she kept on writing her letter...


	12. Is the love strong enough?

12. Is the love strong enough?

The discomfort grew in Pony on each step he did.  
He just had to go to Selena; he would see her by all means to make sure that she was doing fine.

And so he kept on running until he reached the brothel.  
When he was right in front of it he simply ran inside.

He didn't care in this moment if Mike maybe could catch him.  
Selena was the only thing that was important for him!

But Mike didn't catch him.  
He sneaked to Selena's room, but turned around once to make sure if Mike didn't lie in wait for him somewhere.  
At first he simply would open the door. But when he pressed the door handle down he noticed that it was locked.  
There a very bad feeling arose inside him and he knocked on the door.  
But Selena neither answered him nor opened. So he beat against the door.  
"Selena? Selena! It's me, Pony. Please, open."

He hoped she would recognize him and open him.  
He didn't know that Selena hadn't locked herself, but that Mike had done it.  
And so she didn't open!

Slowly Ponyboy got a strange feeling.  
And somehow Pony suspected suddenly, what happened with Selena behind the door.  
And because of this fear about Selena he beat as crazy against the door, apparently without getting something or talking Selena out of that, whatever she was doing there in her room.

Selena winced when someone knocked on her door. At first she believed that she had heard Pony. But there she guessed that this would be Mike.  
"Oh god! Who's that? Pony? No. This couldn't be Pony. He ain't here any more.  
He definitely wouldn't be that careless and come to me, also at the risk of getting caught and then punished very hard by Mike... No, that's only Mike! He only wanna hurt me with that and humiliate me again!  
No, Mike, ya never ever get me again!  
I rather die than that ya could hurt me once more so damned much!" she whispered to herself and she got up from her bed.

Then she went to the window, opened it and got on the windowsill.  
She looked into the sky and whispered, "Oh, Pony, I'm so sorry.  
I ain't a good company for ya. Ya deserve so much better than me, than ya unfair life as Greaser.  
Forgive me please.  
Goodbye! Goodbye, my son!"

And she dropped herself down into the depth...

Ponyboy had heard how the window was opened.  
There his awful presentiment was confirmed and that's why he beat even louder against the door, but he already knew somehow that it was useless.  
"Selena, ya hear me? Please, don't do it, please..."

In the moment Selena jumped Pony felt how something broke inside him.  
And there he knew that it was too late.  
Selena was dead!  
Pony was so despaired.

"SELENA!" he screamed and slowly glided down crying on the door to the ground.  
He sobbed, "Please, Selena, ya can't do that to me. Don't die... please... please don't leave me, too..."

Sometime he heard that it was loud outside on the street. Pony went outside as well.

Maybe there still was hope?


	13. When an old life ends, begins then a new

_krista: _thanks for reviewing :)  
sorry, I've recieved your review when I already have set the 12. chapter  
that's why I thank you a chapter later for it  
well, in the meantime I personally know too that suicide isn't an answer...

well, here comes the second last chapter...  
let's see what happened to selena, pony and the others...

* * *

13. When an old life ends, begins then a new one?

Many people already gathered around on the street.  
Ponyboy forced his way through the crowd and saw his dead 'mother' lying on the ground.

Now he knew it exactly: Selena was dead.

Pony dropped down the ground beside her stunned.  
"Oh no, Selena, please don't..." he whispered and his eyes were filled with tears again, but he didn't hold them back.  
He cried again. He embraced Selena and sobbed.

He didn't care that Greasers don't cry and even less in public.  
In this moment he didn't feel as a Greaser, neither as a quite tough one nor as one at all.  
In this moment he only was a 12 year old boy, who had lost his mother for the second time.

When he looked up after a while he saw Mike standing in front of him. He had forced his way through the crowd as well to see what was going on there.  
Pony watched him full of hate. But Mike replied his glance ice-cold.  
His expression stayed unchanged coldly and unfriendly when he looked down to the dead Selena.  
He didn't seem to feel any grief at all! Even a sneer appeared at his mouth.

Ponyboy didn't understand how Mike just could be that coldhearted and unfeeling at this tragic sight.  
This made Pony angry and sad at the same time!

Pony pointed at Mike and screamed.  
All glances were turning to Mike, who didn't feel well with that.  
"Nonsense! I've got nothin' to do with that! That's a lie!  
This boy's crazy! He doesn't know nothin' at all. He's just lyin'.  
I hope for ya that ya believe me and not a dirty rotten little bastard of a Greaser, who has no idea anyway.  
Remember he's the shame of our town!  
If not you're gonna regret that..." Mike replied uncertain, when everyone looked at him angry after that.

But the people believed Pony, because they knew Mike. They knew that he was greedy for money, violent and brutal!  
They also knew Selena! She was a popular and welcomed young woman. She always was friendly and although she was a whore all people liked her! But not because she was a whore!  
That's why a few men came towards Mike threatening and shouted, "No, Mike, YOU're gonna regret it!"  
And they already went for him...

Pony didn't know what happened to Mike.  
And if he was honest he didn't care! He hated Mike so much that it even didn't matter to him if Mike would be murdered by the men!  
Pony wished him to the devil and the death on his neck!  
It was Mike's fault that Selena committed suicide and Ponyboy simply couldn't forgive that!

Pony had to cry again at the thought of Selena.  
He crouched next to the dead body, covered his face and sobbed.

He winced frightened when a hand was placed on his shoulder. With tear-stained and huge eyes he looked over his shoulder when he heard his name.  
"Darry?" Pony asked surprised. "But what...?"  
"Ponyboy? Oh, thank god, nothin' happened to ya!" Soda shouted behind Darry and hugged Ponyboy.  
"How did ya get here?" Pony asked confused.  
"Sorry, Pon, I had to tell 'em." Johnny answered with an apologizing glance, when he appeared with Dally, Two-Bit and Steve after Darry and Soda.

"Oh Soda." Pony sobbed and flung his arms around the neck of his big brother.  
Soda stroked him affectionately over the head.

The others looked at the dead Selena silently.  
"I would have liked to introduce her to ya, but..." Pony trailed off and pointed to Selena.  
His eyes were filled with new tears.  
"It's all right, Pony, it's all right..." Soda rocked him back and forth, until he had calmed down.

Then Soda got up and led Pony gently away from Selena.  
Pony looked back at his dead mother sadly the last time, till a woman kneeled next to her and covered her with a cloth.  
Then Pony turned around again and let his brother take him home.

Selena's funeral was after two days.  
There were many people present, because Selena was very popular.  
The other prostitutes had gathered their money together for Selena's funeral.

Of course Pony and also the others took part on it.

Everybody was deeply shocked, dismayed and sad about Selena's death!  
But Ponyboy probably was the one, who mourned for her the most.  
She had been a mother for him. But now she was dead, as well as his physical mother, and they never ever would come back to him again.  
He was as left and lonely as before again, even if he still had his brothers and his friends around him, but they couldn't replace his mother.

And he felt that when he stood together with the others at her coffin.  
Pony cried bitterly, because he missed her so much.

When all the others said goodbye to Selena and were gone only Pony and the others stood at her grave.  
Dally left first of them. Two-Bit followed him and after that Steve, Soda and Darry walked away.

Johnny stood beside Pony, placed a hand on his shoulder and said softly, "Come on, Pony, let's go, too."  
Ponyboy nodded and whispered, "Oh Johnny, why just die all people I love and care 'bout?  
I'm scared to lose all beloved people... please, Johnny, promise me that you're never ever gonna leave me.  
Ya ain't supposed to die and leave me here alone. I..." Pony trailed off.  
"Yeah, Pony, I ain't gonna leave ya!" Johnny answered, squeezed Pony's shoulder gently and then he turned away to leave Ponyboy alone for a moment with Selena, so that he could say a final goodbye to her.

Now Pony was standing all alone at the grave.  
He took a step forward, placed the tarot-card of Selena with the two lovers - the card that had chosen their both destinies - on the gravestone and stroked affectionately over it.  
Then he sobbed once more, turned around and walked back with lowered head to the others, who already waited for him.


	14. Epilogue

_krista:_ well, hate to say that, but yeah it WAS the ending :(  
I'm sorry...  
anyway, thanks for your review :)

well, and here comes the last chapter...

* * *

14. Epilogue

Ponyboy was despaired and didn't know what he should do without Selena.  
His life was empty again without her and he missed her completely.  
He really wouldn't mind, if he also would have died. Then he would be in heaven at least.  
And then he could see his parents and also Selena again.

But it seemed that he should live on...

And make something of his life.  
It still had further surprises ready for him, cheerful ones in the same way as sad ones.

Ponyboy thought very much after Selena's death; about his life, about death...  
His brothers and friends would say it would be unnecessary things he thought about, but they just seemed to be important for Ponyboy.

Why should you still go into any relations at all?  
You only will be disappointed anyway again. Open your heart to someone and they already leave you!

And so Ponyboy got into his work and brought good grades home only to forget the pain.

But how can you forget that you are what you are, if you will be shown permanently what you are?

How can a Greaser forget that he is a Greaser, if he's shown permanently by the Socs that he is a Greaser?

So you probably should be contented with that what you have and who or what you are and not constantly regret, what you don't have or who or what you not are.

And so Pony began to accept that he was a Greaser; even if he couldn't be proud of it right away, in contrast to Two-Bit, Dally or Tim Shepard.  
He still tried, whatever, to see the good in people and in things.

So he read, painted and watched the sunsets full of admiration.  
And every time he saw the golden sunlight he thought to recognize Selena's face in it.  
So he watched sunrise by sunset and slowly the pain about the loss of Selena and the parents dried up and he became cheerful and bright again.

THE END

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to all those who reviewed this story and also thanks to those who read it so far :)  
and sorry once again for my bad grammar and the errors and so on, but as I said english isn't my native language...**


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